Currently engaged, Can we talk next year?

I’ve just gotten off the phone with a close relative and they have been persuading me for the umpteenth time to get a job. A good job in a reputable organization that will make me look progressive on my CV.

When I was pregnant with my first child life was interesting. The company I was working for were downsizing so me and a couple of other pregnant young girls were shown the door… Which was fine then for me because in my naivety, I had started getting bored. I wanted to try something new, just the timing was off. For many other women however the reality is that once they get pregnant the workplace becomes that place you must tread carefully because your pregnancy makes you vulnerable and it’s easy to get the sack. This is because employers don’t want an employee who is clearly trying to compile all their leave days and merge it with the mandatory 3 months maternity leave, then push every sick leave possible to be away from the workplace with a full salary and not delivering on the job. Then when they have to hire a temp while still paying full salary.

Getting another job while pregnant proved futile so I accepted my fate. In time I got guts again and was  back in the workforce then baby 2 came in coinciding with some strange drama I still don’t fully understand but led to a mutual parting of ways between my then employer and I. Again looking for employment while pregnant… erm, it’s a nasty experience that can ruin any good persons self esteem. From the dubious looks to the snide comments (coming in for the maternity package eh?). Its not fun so I lay that to rest until baby 2 started solids. This time I haven’t been in a hurry to blindly get into the workforce again because the one thing I cannot bear is to be an absent parent, my stomach has refused, so I find myself politely declining really fun and exciting offers because its demands on my time are heavier than I am ready to bear.

This is the point people say ‘toughen up! This is life!’, or ‘women did not fight so hard to be accepted in the workplace to have you changing diapers in the prime of your life’ or ‘nobody will respect you if you don’t hold your own,’ to ‘nothing comes for free… I could go on. I feel like I’ve heard it all.

Do I want to work, make some money and build my career? YES! Do I want to miss the 7 year window I have to instill character and good values to those who will carry my legacy into a future beyond my current conception? YES! Can I do both? So far no. because it means sitting in traffic for at least 4 hours a day to give 8 hours of value time. This practically means leaving the house by 6 am to get to the office by 8 am work then leave work at 5pm to get home past 7 pm, the kids sleep latest 8:30 pm. In your exhausted and confused state what do you have to offer your child but a paycheck? What will your child do with your paycheck? Go to the best schools, wear the best clothes, have the best of everything except you.

There’s a story about a child who worked hard washing dishes, cutting grass for neighbors’ and saved up every penny till he had like say 5,000/-. He went to his daddy with that money in hand and asked ‘daddy, can I have an hour with you? I have enough money for an hour of your time.’

And thus my painful, choice.

Have a good day and if you can make your work place friendlier for mothers, please do, the choice they’ve made is just as painful.

#UPDATE:
the full anecdote is here should you be interested. (Thanks @rogerinc)